Attempted automated wordcount. Please use LibreOffice/MSOffice for an accurate count: 4289

thanks, author! If you wish to have this removed from this list, email ra.llan.pcl+complaints @ gmail.com, making sure to provide proof that you are the author.

Party of Two starring Dashie and Pinkie

Dash trotted up to the front door of Sugarcube Corner, but when she went to open the door she heard voices coming from inside. Her heart skipped a beat, and she hugged the wall next to the door to listen. It sounded for all the world as if Pinkie was already having a birthday party! There were three... wait, no – four! other ponies inside the bakery having a conversation with her. She didn’t recognise the owners of the voices though. Totally weird!

Aw nuts, thought Dash. Pinkie’s gone and thrown a party for herself. All that preparation and sneaking around for nothing!

Dash went to knock, hesitated, then finally went through with it. The others were all waiting at Sweet Apple Acres, ready to spring Pinkie’s surprise party on her. And besides – she had to find out what was going on in there, no matter how strange it sounded!

“Who could that be?” Dash heard Pinkie say from inside, and when she looked in through the heart-shaped window in the door she saw that it was a very odd-looking Pinkie Pie who came up and opened it for her.

Pinkie’s mane had lost all of its curl and bounce and was drooping down over her face, while her usually poofy tail was a straight waterfall of pink. Dash smiled at her in greeting, but instead of the beaming “just-won-the-jackpot” Pinkie Pie grin she usually got in response, the little pink pony merely grimaced at her.

Something was definitely terribly wrong.

Dash’s smile became nervous as she walked inside and looked around the room at the party already in progress. The whole of Sugarcube Corner was decorated with streamers and balloons and confetti lay across the floor, while in the centre there was a long table with a gigantic multi-layered chocolate cake on it. Just like a normal party! That was, until you saw the “guests”.

Dash stopped her jaw from involuntarily dropping to the floor as she looked at who Pinkie had been celebrating with – a huge ball of lint, a bag of flour, a pile of rocks, and a bucket filled with... were those turnips?

And each of them was wearing a party hat.

Dash fought back an instinctive desire to fly out the front door, screaming, and instead smiled as sweetly as she could manage and trotted up to Pinkie Pie, who was skulking on the other side of the table, glaring at her with dark and dangerous eyes.

“Hey there, Pinkie Pie!” Dash said, praying that her voice wouldn’t crack. “Sorry I was in such a rush earlier. Had some place to be and couldn’t slow down and say hello. You know how it goes.”

“I know how it goes, all right!” snapped Pinkie, her face ticing with repressed rage.

Dash forced herself to keep smiling, but the smile was rapidly devolving into a cloying, nervous one. “Yeah… so, why don’t you come with me over to Sweet Apple Acres?”

“No, thanks,” replied Pinkie quickly. “I’m spending time with my real friends. Isn’t that right, Madame LeFlour?”

Pinkie threw a foreleg around the bag of flour and switched her voice to that of a snobby French aristocratic lady. “Oui ! Zat iz correct, madame !”

“Uh… Pinkie Pie?” Dash’s wings drooped, and her smile grew even more strained as she watched her friend’s increasingly bizarre behaviour.

Pinkie was making the ball of lint talk now. “Another slice of cake, Sir Lintsalot?” she asked cheerfully, her forelegs wrapped around it as she made it reply in a soft, middle-aged stallion’s voice. “I’d love one.”

“Aaallrighty,” said Dash, suddenly deciding she’d seen enough. She walked up to Pinkie cautiously, forcing her smile as wide as it would go. “What do you say we get out of Creepytown and head over to Applejack’s…?”

“She’s not going anywhere!” growled Mr. Turnip, leaping– well, not so much leaping as getting thrown in her way by a maniacally grinning Pinkie Pie.

“I most certainly am not!” sniffed Pinkie in her own voice as she slipped underneath the table.
“I’m having a wonderful time right here!”

“You should really just come with me,” said Dash, more sternly now, as she got down on her stomach on the floor to try and see where Pinkie was hiding.

“You heard da Lady! She ain’t goin’ nowheres, chump!” said Rocky, the pile of rocks getting into Dash’s face and advancing on her menacingly – or rather, the stool the rock-pile was on being pushed towards her by two little pink forelegs that were jutting out from under the table.

“Who you calling a “chump,” chump?!” growled Dash, facing Rocky down fearlessly. But when she pushed her muzzle against the rock-pile, it toppled over, the rocks clattering to the floor and its party hat rolling away. Oh my god, I’ve killed him! thought Dash for a split second, until she suddenly realised that she was getting drawn into the whole crazy pantomime and she shook her head in disgust. “Ugh… That’s it!” she cried. “Party’s over! Come on, Pinkie Pie!”

As Dash flew towards her, Pinkie squealed “No!” and scrambled away from the rainbow-maned Pegasus. “And my name’s not Pinkie – it’s Pinkamina!”

“Oh whatever,” sighed Dash. “C’mon Pinkamina, let’s go!” She advanced on her friend, all pretence of doing things gently forgotten.

“I said no!” smirked Pinkie, digging in her hooves and refusing to move.

“You… have to… come with… me!” grunted Dash, as she brought her forehead against the unresponsive Pinkie’s backside and struggled to push her towards the door.

“No… I… don’t!” snarled the little pink pony, suddenly pushing back with all her might against Dash’s head with her big round rump and then bringing it down on her friend’s face with a thump!

“Wait, Pinkie... I... can’t... breathe!” gasped Dash, her wings and legs beating the air violently as Pinkie lay all her weight on her head.

“I... don’t... care!” said Pinkie. “You guys said that you don’t like my parties anymore, so I don’t want to hang around with you...any....more!” And with the “more!” she lifted her rump up long enough for Dash to grab a single desperate breath before the little pink pony brought it back down on her head so hard that the Pegasus suddenly saw stars.

“Pinkie Pie!” Dash’s voice was muffled by the pink pony’s substantial rump, but Pinkie could still hear her.  “You got it all wrong. We love your parties!” At the word “love”, Pinkie’s ears suddenly pricked up, and a look of confusion sprang onto her face.

But then Pinkamina’s angry sadness spring back into her heart and she frowned darkly.  “But Spike told me that...”

“You... listened to... something... Spike told you?” gasped Dash from underneath her.”Are you... crazy?”

“I’m... not... crazy!” snarled Pinkie, but as she lifted her rump again Dash took the chance to roll out from under her and quick as a flash she was on her hooves, throwing her forelegs and wings around the pink pony’s shoulders in a huge hug.

Pinkie looked at Dash with blind malice in her eyes, a hatred that made Dash’s heart break, and she struggled violently to escape from the hug. The Pegasus held her doggedly in her embrace, but Pinkie was steadily becoming so violent in her squirming that Dash was left with only one thing to do.

She darted her face forwards and planted a kiss on Pinkie’s mouth, a quick, hot kiss that made the pink pony’s head swim in confusion. “You silly pony!” cried Dash, shaking her. “Don’t you know what day it is today?”

“Of course I do!” snapped Pinkie. “It’s Sunday!”

“No, I mean the date,” said Dash, exasperated. “It’s your birthday, you... you... Pinkie Pie!”

“My... birthday?” repeated Pinkie, suddenly stopping her struggling, her blue eyes growing wide in realisation.

“We were organising a surprise party for you at Sweet Apple Acres...” Dash sighed. The others were going to kill her for spoiling it, but they hadn’t been the ones who’d just stumbled in on the mad baker’s tea party AND almost been smothered to death by an enormous pink rump! “Well... it was going to be a surprise... I guess I’ve spoilt it now. But I just couldn’t see you suffer any more!”

“A... surprise birthday... for me?” said Pinkie, the anger quickly leaving her eyes and limbs. “But... why didn’t you...”

“We know how much you love surprise parties, and for once I wanted to do something nice for you, Pinkie. Because... well,” Dash’s heart was full to brimming. She’d been thrown for a total emotional loop by her friend’s bizarre behaviour and... and it had scared her. Scared her badly. She’d never seen Pinkie act this way, and the thought of losing her friendship with the little pink pony, the thought of Pinkie hating her... ! All of a sudden she found herself blurting out: “Because I love you!”

Pinkie’s face flashed in shock just like she’d shaken hooves with someone holding a hoof-buzzer. “You... you love me, Dash?” she whispered.

Dash suddenly realised with horror what she’d just said, and her forehooves flew up to her mouth to stop the words from escaping – but much too late. “Uh... no... I mean, we all... we all love you, and...” She began to laugh nervously. “...and I kinda just...”

But then Dash saw the look on Pinkie’s face. The anger and hatred it had been twisted with earlier had all dissipated away now, but at Dash’s reaction to her question it had been replaced with a sudden crushing, horrific sadness that the rainbow-maned Pegasus could almost feel in the air as a black, glacial aura that was settling over the room.

Rainbow Dash, you... you vanilla-frosting dweeb! she tore into herself. You... you blurt out the truth, and now you try and take it back? Look at Pinkie. Look at her!

It was as if Pinkie was melting into the floor. Her mane and tail were losing all the little remaining stiffness they’d had, and her body seemed completely boneless now as she slowly crumbled before Dash’s eyes.

“Wait... Pinkie Pie,” Dash gasped as she took the whole weight of her friend in her forelegs, struggling to keep her from slumping onto the floor. “Pinkie Pie. I... I can’t hide it any more. I....” Her own eyes were misting up now. She was such a dweeb! Such a little cry-baby dweeb, just like Gilda used to call her in Junior Speedsters. Just a stupid little snot-nosed....

“I... I can’t lie to you anymore,” Dash said at last. “Not... not about that. There’s been too much lying today.... much too much lying.”

Pinkie stopped sliding towards the floor, and Dash suddenly felt force being applied through her forelegs – the little pink pony was lifting herself back up! “Dashie? You...?” she began.

Dash looked down at her friend, into those blue eyes of hers, those huge blue eyes that were bluer than any summer sky she had even flown up into, bluer than the Ocean she’d once flown over. She could read the question in them, and she nodded, tears appearing at the corners of her eyes as with Pinkie’s help she lifted the little pink pony up back onto her feet.

“You... you kinda knew already, right?” said Dash at last.

“Knew?” repeated Pinkie. “Knew what, Dashie?”

Dash opened her mouth. The feeling of trepidation was worse than anything she’d ever felt before in her life – worse than any flight exam, worse than any fight she’d ever fought in, or race she’d known she’d have to win if ponies weren’t going to laugh at her and...

“That... that I...” Tell her, tell her! “... that I love you, Pinkie Pie.”

 “You love me, Dashie?” Pinkie asked, the previous warmth and joy that had always been inside her voice starting to bubble to the surface once more.

Dash nodded. “Yup. Have for a while now,” she said. But then she asked, suddenly unsure of herself. “Do... do you love me too, Pinkie Pie?”

In a sudden explosion of pink energy, Pinkie’s tail puffed up again, just as if it were a pink balloon being filled with air, and her flat and lifeless mane sprang back with a pop into curly, coiffured  Pinkie-Pie cotton-candy craziness as she threw her forelegs around Dash, her huge blue eyes filling with tears.

“OF COURSE I LOVE YOU DASHIE!” Pinkie squealed, throwing the Pegasus pony backwards onto her butt with the sudden violence of her embrace as she smothered hot kisses all over Dash’s surprised and startled face.

“Wait! Wait, Pinkie!” Dash struggled under the sudden explosion of pink passion that was hugging and nuzzling and kissing her all over. “I...” But then she felt that love she’d kept hidden for so long welling up within her, like a great blue tornado of love she’d kept secret and hidden, for fear of losing it, for fear of learning it wasn’t requited.

She’d been so afraid for so long!

“Pinkie, I....” Dash began, but the little pink pony was on top of her now, pinning her down with her weight.

“Oh Dashie, too much talky and not enough kissy!” she laughed, mashing her lips against the surprised Pegasus’s.

At the feeling of those soft, warm lips against her own, of Pinkie’s little snout crumpled up against her cheek, Dash heart melted away inside – and she kissed her friend back. She opened her lips ever so slightly, gingerly poking out her tongue, testing, unsure if Pinkie wanted to kiss so deeply so quickly, only to feel Pinkie’s tongue waiting for her, drawing Dash’s own into her mouth, so hot and wet that it took the Pegasus’s breath away.

Dash felt an exhilaration she hadn’t felt since the sonic rainboom – and incredible sense of elation and disbelief that here she was, now, on the floor of Sugarcube Corner, her friend Pinkie’s body on top of her, soft and warm and sugar-scented, kissing the pony who she’d been friends with for so long, and who’d she’d fallen in love with, almost without noticing. Dash felt Pinkie’s chest against her own, felt the weight of Pinkie’s haunches on her thighs, the fluffy pink cotton-candy tail brushing absent-mindedly across her hindlegs, and her heart beat so hard she felt it would burst out of her chest.

Suddenly Pinkie broke the kiss, and Dash opened her eyes to see Pinkie’s deep blue ones staring at her, glittering with love and cheerful mischievousness. “Dashie –  have you been eating chocolate-chip cookies?”

Dash blushed. “I... Can you taste them?”

Pinkie nodded.

“I kinda snuck a few while the others were setting up the party,” explained Dash sheepishly.

“There are cookies at the party?” Pinkie’s eye had gone large again.

“Muffins too!” said Dash, almost laughing at the little pink pony’s excitement. “With your favourite hot-sauce ready to go on top!”

“Oh Dash!” Pinkie cried out in joy. “You know everything about Pinkie!”

Dash looked about the room. “Well, maybe almost everything,” she said.

Pinkie followed her gaze around Sugarcube Corner, then looked back at her, sheepishly. “I did go a little too crazy this time, didn’t I Dashie?”

Dash laughed. “Aw, but that’s what I love about you, Pinkie Pie.” She wrapped her wings around Pinkie and rolled the pink pony onto her back, making her squeal in surprise, and now it was her turn to be on top. Dash looked down at Pinkie, whose mouth was open in an O of surprise, and said, her voice cracking: “You’re just soooooo random!”

“Oh Dashie!” cried Pinkie. “I was such a silly-billy little Pinkie to think you didn’t want to be my friend anymore!”

The two ponies rolled across the floor, locked in each other’s embrace, their lips glued together, totally lost in the moment. Confetti got stuck to their coats, streamers wrapped around them and they knocked over stools and popped balloons, completely blind to the destruction their impassioned wrestling was causing.

Finally, they careened into the table and came to a stop, and with a giggle Pinkie hopped backwards onto it and pulled Dash up on top of her.  As they lay their kissing, Pinkie's hind legs kicked out: one hit Sir Lintsalot, who went flying through the air, ending up in the punch bowl, and the other struck the towering chocolate cake, which tottered for a moment and then toppled down on top of them, spattering them both with cream and jam and chocolate icing.

“Dashie, you’re all covered in cake!” said Pinkie. She drew a forehoof across the Pegasus’s cheek where melting chocolate icing had started to trickle down and brought it to her mouth to lick, licking it up with her bright pink tongue.

“Well, you are too, Pinkie Pie!” laughed Dash, blushing.

It was true. The entire top layer of the cake had ended up on Pinkie’s head like a particularly ridiculous hat, and both of her forelegs were covered in cream and jam.

“It’s all over your wings too!” giggled Pinkie, slipping out from under the Pegasus’s body and sitting forward to examine her friend more closely.

“Augh! Gross!” cried Dash. She hated getting stuff on her wings! “Gettitoff! Gettitoff!”  She fluttered then back and forth, but the sticky chocolate icing refused to budge.

“Let me clean you up, Dashie!” said Pinkie, her eyes suddenly hot as she brought her snout to the Pegasus’s wings.

“Wait, Pinkie! No!” Dash started to laugh as she felt her friend’s hot breath ruffling her feathers. “My wings are totally ticklish! Oh!”

But Pinkie was already licking the chocolate icing from Dash’s wing-tips – and the Pegasus pony’s eyes mouth opened in a gasp.

“Uhh! Uh, Pinkie... I...” She bit her lip to try to stop herself from panting – but it just felt soooo  awesome! She loved it when a pony licked her wings – they were extremely sensitive, and it felt as if they were connected by a direct line to that special place between her haunches.

“Oh, so you like it when Pinkie gives your little wingie-dings a lick?” The pink pony’s face flushed as her tongue flicked out and slipped along the leading edge of Dash’s wing, through the fine, velvet-soft coat that covered it, leaving a trail of moist, ruffle fur.

“Uh....” Dash closed her eyes again and crinkled up her nose at the feelings that Pinkie’s licking was producing in her. The pleasurable sensation of her hot, wet tongue was travelling down her wings and throughout the rest of her body, spreading up towards her head, where she opened her mouth involuntarily and started to pant, and also down to her haunches, where she felt herself getting suddenly and dramatically hot and wet as well.

But then Pinkie stopped, and she looked about, blushing red.

“What’s wrong Pinkie?” panted Dash. The pleasure she’d been feeling was slipping away, and she knew she couldn’t stand it if Pinkie was just going to tease her.

Pinkie looked back at the frustrated Pegasus beneath her. “I don’t know if I can do it with Sir Lintsalot watching us,” she whispered, a half-joking half-embarrassed smile flashing across her face. And as Dash looked over her shoulder, she burst out laughing when she saw that the ball of lint, now sitting in the punchbowl, did in fact look as if it was leering at the two of them!

“Aw, let ‘im watch,” chuckled Dash. “Besides, Le Flour and Mr Turnip are already doin’ it!” She pointed past Pinkie, and the little pink pony turned around to glance across to the other side of the table.

The crash that had made the cake fall on them had also knocked over the stool that Madame Le Flour had been sitting on, and she was now slumped on top Mr Turnip. It looked for all the world as if the bag of flour was riding the bucket cowfilly style, the top corners of her sack splayed out as if in erotic abandon.

Pinkie started to giggle at the sight, and the giggles grew more and more giggly and out of control until they got stuck at the end of her pink muzzle and exploded outwards in a huge snort.

Dash kissed her as she kept snorting, and kissed her hard, her tongue slipping into Pinkie’s giggling mouth, and then she brought a forehoof slowly down across Pinkie’s round tummy and then lower.

But the little pink pony broke the kiss suddenly and pushed Dash’s forehoof away, shaking her head.

“Uh Pinkie, I...” protested Dash, but the pink pony was already climbing off the table. “I just wanted to...”

But Pinkie was looking at her, her cheeks flushed with red, a playful smile on her face. “Oh, don’t you know, Dashie?” giggled Pinkie. “The birthday girl always gets the first slice of cake!”

*        *        *

“Did Pinkie make you feel good, Dashie?” whispered the little pink pony as she and Dash lay together, hot, sweaty and panting, on the floor.

The Pegasus turned and looked at her with glistening rose-coloured eyes. “What do you think, Pinks?”

“Oh, I don’t know...” replied Pinkie, shyly, bringing a forehoof across the Pegasus pony’s chest and nuzzling her neck with her muzzle.

Dash sighed. “It felt totally...”

“Awesome?” Pinkie finished her sentence for her.

Dash laughed, and she lifted Pinkie’s snout with a forehoof so that she could kiss her on the mouth.

“I’m... sorry about how I was acting before,” said Pinkie. “I didn’t know that sort of thing could happen!”

“What? The whole ‘crazy Pinkamina’ thing?” Dash chuckled.  “Actually, Pinkie Pie, I thought you looked kinda hot with your hair straight!”

“Maybe I’ll wear it straight for you, then, Dashie,” whispered Pinkie. “But I don’t know how I’m going to get rid of all these crazy crispy wavy curls unless somepony makes me super-sad again!”

“I like ya anyway at all, Pinks,” said Dash, swinging herself on top of Pinkie and kissing her neck, drawing her lips down to the little pink pony’s chest. “It what you’ve got inside that I love most of all.”

“What I’ve got inside?” The little pink pony giggled. “Oh Dashie, I’m not a Twinkie Pie!  I don’t have a creamy filling!”

“Your heart, Pinkie Pie!” Dash laughed. “I’m talking about your heart! Oh, I can’t ever get this soppy stuff to come out right.”

Pinkie squealed and giggled as Dash’s mouth traced a path down onto her round little pink tummy.

“Oh, but Dashie – shouldn’t we be getting to the party?” asked Pinkie, suddenly aware of how long they’d spent making love.

“I say let ‘em wait,” laughed Dash, kissing her way even lower. “Besides, there’s always time for Pie!”

*        *        *

“Now just remember, Pinks,” said Dash as they trotted up the last part of the hill that led to Applejack’s barn. “Try and look surprised, OK? A.J.’ll kill me if she finds out I blabbed!”

Pinkie nodded so rapidly her face became a pink blur. “Okie dokie lokie!”

They’d reached the barn now, and they stopped for a moment outside.

 “Do I look OK?” asked Dash, turning her head and trying to check her wings and mane. “Are my feathers in place? Is there any frosting left anywhere?”

“Nopies!” said Pinkie, sticking out her tongue. “I think I got all of it!”

Dash looked at the little pink pony as she waggled her tongue and blushed deep red. “Pinkie Pie – no pranks for a little while, OK? I don’t think my heart can take it!”

“Well, here goes nothin’!” She took a deep breath and with a shout of “We’re here!” she pushed open the door of the barn and lead Pinkie inside.

All of the other ponies were waiting for them, and as soon as they saw the first curl of Pinkie’s mane appear they all shouted “SURPRISE!”

The barn was fitted out with streamers and balloons – and in the centre was a little trolley with a huge cake on it, made of sponge and decorated with pink and cream frosting!

“A surprise party?” Pinkie bounced around, a look of pure joy exploding on her face. “Oh, you girls are the best friends ever!”

As Pinkie hopped about the room, looking at all the party decorations and squealing at in delight at everything she saw.

Applejack took Dash quickly aside. “An’ where in tarnation have you two been?” she demanded. “We’ve been waitin’ fer ages!”

Dash avoided the earth pony’s gaze.  “We were kinda... stuck at another party...”

A.J. looked at her through narrowed eyes. “Another party? Is that where you got all that there confetti stuck in yer coat?”

“And is that... chocolate frosting in your tail, darling?” Rarity clucked her tongue.

“Look, it’s a long story,” said Dash, blushing. “I’ll tell you guys later, OK?”

She trotted up to where Twilight and Fluttershy were presenting the birthday cake to Pinkie.

“D’you like it? D’you like it?” Dash’s eyes were eager. “I did the icing myself!”

Pinkie looked down at the cake. In the centre there was a little picture of her face made of fondant and around it written in icing were the words:

Hpvw Mnulh Milnum Nimh

A single tear dropped from a sky-blue eye as she turned towards Dash.

“I LOVE IT!” she shrieked, sweeping the Pegasus up in her forelegs and kissing her on the lips as the others gasped. “Oh, this is the best birthday EVER!!”

Rarity turned to Applejack. “Well, Pinkie certainly does seem happy!”

“She sure as sugar does,” replied the earth pony, her brow furrowed. “Even happier ‘n usual, if that’s possible.”

“Say...” asked Twilight. “Isn’t that a little long for a birthday kiss?”

Applejack laughed. “That’s our Pinkie Pie! Now, enough of this gab, girls – let’s party!”

Dear Princess Celestia, I am writing to you from the most delightful party. I’m not only having a great time with my friends, but also was given the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about friendship. Always expect the best from your friends, and never assume the worst. Rest assured that a good friend always has your best interests at heart. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

THE END